How about we stop pretending you're not crazy, and move on. Look at GM of the past. When camaro wasn't a thing. There was this popular A Body platform. It came in 2 and 4 doors. It was an everyday car that did what everyday cars did. It was NAMED a Malibu. It was widly accepted by the general population, it left a performance door open for those FEW people that wanted a little more out of their everyday car. A different engine, some body accessories and a nameplate that read Chevelle.
Look at the success of the Cadillac CTS platform. 2 door and 4 door on the same platform. Both with everyday version both with performance version. As great as the Camaro was, the malibu out sold it, the cts outsold it. If the platform is going to survive it needs to appeal to a broader range of people.